v a p i d .

i always do this, i always get excited and then it never works out. another friend, another failed attempt, another disappointment. i can not express how sick i am of being unemployed/waiting to start this new job. it is bad for one person to have this much free time. i don't need to think about my life this much, to think about all the things i dislike about my life, to think about all the things i want to change but don't know how, to think about all the people i wish i could see. it drains the motivation out of me. most people would kill for free time, and i don't want any. i miss being so busy, i don't have time to sleep.